MARIETTA S01E06, HOW MARIETTA STOLE MARDI GRAS:
Marietta is at Kyle and Maria’s apartment for their monthly movie night.
Marietta: Well Kyle, this sure has been a nice evening, but I have to leave. I think I’m coming down with something.
Kyle: What? Why? We haven’t even watched Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo yet!
Marietta: Is that… Is that really what we were going to watch?
Kyle: Nah. We were gonna watch Spotlight.
Marietta: The one about child-molesting priests?
Kyle: Oh my god, that’s what that was about? I thought it was about showbiz!
Marietta: No, definitely about Chesters the molesters.
Kyle: Do you make Chester plural in that case?
Marietta: We’re getting seriously off track here. I need to go home and rest so that I can feel well enough to go to the Mardi Gras celebration tomorrow. Your grandma is making a huge deal about it and I don’t want her to have one of her signature hissy fits.
Kyle: Grandma? Oh, she would never.
Marietta: Have you met her?
Kyle: She’s always nice to me.
Marietta: She’s nice to me too. She just has a fiery temper.
Kyle: Just don’t anger her.
Marietta: I really have to go. This has such been a fulfilling conversation.
Kyle: Thank you.
Marietta: I love you and goodbye.
Marietta leaves Kyle and Maria’s and heads to her parents house, where she’s staying for the week.
Kyle: So… Electric Boogaloo it is?
Maria: Of course! We don’t even have Spotlight!
At Patty Lynn and Martin’s, the next morning
Marietta: Guys, I feel so sick. I don’t think I can go.
Patty Lynn: That’s horrible! Your father’s sick too. He said he’s been under the weather for a few days but he was scared of telling me. How silly! I could have helped.
Marietta: I’ve been sick since last night.
Patty Lynn: I went to nursing school. I could have used tha-
Marietta: No, you didn’t! You gave someone a bandage once at a taping of the Dr. Oz show!
Patty Lynn: That’s mean.
Marietta: Oh no, I just got a text from Milton! He’s sick too!
Patty Lynn: I’m just… I’m gonna go to the basement really quickly. For a thing!
Patty Lynn locks herself in the basement.
Patty Lynn: Well I’m sorry dear, but I can’t get sick. With the rest of you all falling ill, it’s just me and Kyle left. A Landfield must attend the Mardi Gras celebration. It’s a family tradition! We have pictures dating all the way back to when your grandpa was the mayor!
Marietta: That’s fine mom. I don’t want you to miss it. But could you leave
Just then, the phone rings.
Patty Lynn: It’s probably Kyle! I’ll get it.
Patty Lynn answers.
Patty Lynn: Hello. Are you excited for the big day?
Maria: Hi Mrs. Landfield! Kyle’s sick with the flu. I’m so sorry, I know how much this means to you.
Patty Lynn: Oh, that’s fine. There’s always next year.
Maria: That’s the spirit Mrs. L!
Patty Lynn: Bye Maria. It’s been lovely. Just keep healthy. The baby doesn’t need that.
Patty Lynn hangs up, disappointed.
Marietta: What did he want?
Patty Lynn: He’s sick. He can’t come.
Marietta: I’m going to get him. I can’t let Maria take care of him!
Patty Lynn: No. I’ll just have your fath- Actually go ahead. I forgot your father’s sick too! My plans are just crumbling entirely. Ha! How fun!
Marietta: I’ll be back. You stay safe and healthy.
Patty Lynn: I’m not gonna be here when you get back. I’m going to CVS before the parade starts. I can’t leave my babies without the essentials.
Marietta: We already have what we need. Don’t worry about us. What about Milton?
Patty Lynn: He has his staff. He’ll be fine.
Marietta: I think what you meant was “I don’t love him as much as you, Marietta.”
Patty Lynn: That’s not true and you know it!
Marietta: Whatever you say. Bye mom.
Marietta heads out to pick up Kyle. Patty Lynn decides to call Tammy to ask her to go with her.
Patty Lynn: Hey, Tammy, wanna go with to the Mardi Gras parade with me? It’ll be fun!
Tammy: I think I’m dead.
Patty Lynn: Sounds fun. Bye!
Patty Lynn hangs up.
Patty Lynn: Martin, I’m going to Mardi Gras! I’ll see you when I get back!
Patty Lynn heads to the Mardi Gras parade by herself, a major reverse from what she thought would happen.
Patty Lynn: Oh, this is just so overwhelming! I’m out in the city all by myself for the first time in forever. And other than the puking and the nudity, it’s quite lovely. But that’s every year.
Parade Patron: Hey crazy lady, why are you talking to yourself?
Patty Lynn: I’m not crazy! You’re crazy! Who is this lovely human being I’m talking to?
Parade Patron: The name’s Rachel. What’s yours?
Patty Lynn: I’m Patty Lynn, and I’m better known as the mother of the mayor. I’m kind of a big deal around here.
Resident: Hey Patty Lynn!
Patty Lynn: Hey Gene! See. I can tell you’re not from around here. You’d know who I was if you were.
Rachel: I am from around here, I just didn’t know who you were.
Patty Lynn: That’s disheartening. Anyway, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but my daughter Marietta is running for mayor this year, and I’d appreciate your vote for her.
Rachel: Yeah, lady, it’s Mardi Gras. I’m not in a very political mood right now.
Patty Lynn: Oh, I ju-
Rachel: Yeah, I’m gonna head out. I have to be somewhere and this conversation’s not going anywhere.
Patty Lynn: That’s so mean.
Meanwhile, at Kyle’s
Marietta: Come on Kyle, let’s go to your grandparents’ house. We can’t risk getting Maria sick. Not with the baby.
Kyle: WE weren’t risking everything. Just me. But I’ll go. I guess you do have a point. Let me get my stuff and I’ll go with.
Marietta: Oh no. It’s starting.
Kyle: How do you know?
Marietta: Kyle… I know.
Kyle: It’ll be okay, right?
Marietta: Sure. Just take good care of her.
Kyle: What about you, mom?
Marietta: I have to go. Your grandpa needs someone to care for and your grandma isn’t home.
Kyle: That’s too bad. I couldn’t have used your help.
Marietta: Just come home with me. I can help you there.
Maria: That sounds like too much trouble, don’t worry about me.
Marietta: Oh, it’s no big deal! Get your things and let’s go!
Back at the parade
Patty Lynn: Hey, lady with the Team Canada jacket on, take my picture with this float! It’s my
Canadian Woman: Je ne parle pas anglais.
Patty Lynn: Huh?
Canadian Woman: Je ne parle pas anglais.
Patty Lynn: Can’t you speak English?
Canadian Woman: Oui!
Patty Lynn: Oh.
Patty Lynn turns to a man
Patty Lynn: Can you take my picture, Scott?
Scott: How’d you know my name?
Patty Lynn: Nametag.
Scott: Oh! Sure! Can I have your camera?
Patty Lynn hands Scott her camera.
Scott accidentally drops the camera, seconds after taking the picture.
Patty Lynn: Oh my God! My camera! My thousand-dollar camera!
Scott runs away.
Patty Lynn: Curse you Scott from Rouses Market!
Patty Lynn, disappointed and tired, decides to cut her losses.
Patty Lynn: I guess I should go. At least I got a King Cake.
At the Landfield Home
Patty Lynn: I’m home! And it was horrible!
Marietta: All four of us are sick! Run while you still can!
Patty Lynn: Basement here I come!
WRITTEN BY: Rebecca Bunch
CREATED BY: Rebecca Bunch
PRODUCED BY: Rebecca Bunch, TVRGO